Meeting people within the lifestyle

I’m just coming down from the high of an event at the weekend and it got me thinking about the many ways to meet people within Ethical Non-Monogamy. Be warned, this isn’t as sexy as my previous posts but answers some of the question I often get asked and may be interesting if you are not already in the lifestyle.

At the weekend we went to a “Social” hosted by some people we met briefly at an event earlier in the year. We’d been chatting with them individually and within the group chat for the event and they gave off great vibes. They seemed like friendly, fun, intelligent people, our kind of people. So we bought tickets and were delighted to see more and more of our friends buy tickets too. It turned out to be one of my favourite nights within the swinging community, even though we took the decision to return to our hotel room alone.

So what is a social? A social is the term for a group of swingers to get together and make new friends. It is usually held in a vanilla setting (a pub or a bar) and people spend the night trying to pretend they’re not filthy and can behave in a public setting. Normal clothes are worn (as opposed to lingerie in a club) though they normally lean towards sexy, follow a theme, or have some sort of pineapple involved! Generally, these events attract more outgoing people as the purpose is to chat to others and befriend people, with or without the intention of meeting later to play. This event was expertly hosted as newbies were introduced to others, so nobody was left on their own, it also attracted a warm welcoming crowd who naturally mingled. It was held in a cute and quirky bar of which we had sole use so no fear of being spotted by other people and having to explain what you are doing. They served some spectacular cocktails which I’m sure contributed to the numerous snogs as the night progressed! I always find it such an interesting situation as the hosts of the party need to keep things in check, in terms of partygoers behaving themselves, yet inevitably people spark up connections and let themselves go when surrounded by likeminded people. At this event a man and woman (who had just met that night) decided it would be fun to swap clothes, he ended up in purple fishnets and she decided to dance on the seat in just her lingerie before slipping into his trousers– these things happen, people barely bat an eyelid! At my own event I didn’t want to upset the bar staff and get kicked out, so placed emphasis on the fact it was a “no play event” and a “vanilla setting” yet ended up taking things a little too far myself! (You might be picking up from other blogs that I have self-control issues when I’m turned on!) Having only been to three socials, (one of which I hosted) I can say that the vibe varies massively between events and is largely dependent on the privacy of the event space, the confidence and familiarity of attendees and proximity to a reasonably priced hotel!

Another way to meet new people is to attend a “takeover” This is where somebody hires out whole venue for exclusive use and sells tickets. Again, there’s usually a group chat to familiarise yourself with other attendees, often a theme with optional dress code and if you’re lucky you’ll get a little goody bag. These one-off events are on a much bigger and less intimate scale but are in a club so have potential to end up in some form of play. They’re often hosted by people known within the lifestyle such as podcasters, bloggers, or champions for the cause. As it’s an entire club take over, tickets are often sold to full capacity and such events attract a large number of people from all walks of life. At these events there are often a lot of newbies, and the idea of parading around in your undies to such a huge group can be overwhelming. However, like any overwhelming situation, if you break it down and see them as individual people, you’ll find its less intimidating. These events tend to attract a following so you see the same faces at subsequent events and get to make friends.
However, this is not the only way to do clubs. Clubs are open every Friday and a Saturday night and often have other daytime and evening events throughout the week. In general Friday nights allow single men to attend, whereas Saturday nights are for couples and singles ladies. We’re very lucky in that there are 4 clubs within an hour’s drive of us, 2 of those within half an hour. However due to childcare we don’t actually make it to clubs together very often and I’ll sometimes go alone or with a FWB. In addition to regular club nights there are also “hosted” events, where various hosts regularly run a certain event to attract a particular audience. My favourites are anything with the name “hotwife” in it where there is a selection of decent single men! There are also events for under forties, curvy women, kink and fetish nights or themed events such Vegas or Halloween. These nights tend to be much livelier than a normal night and the hosts often have group chats specific to the event to join beforehand if that’s your thing.
There are also some more subtle, upmarket ways to explore the lifestyle. Some friends we meet at an event told us about small, intimate dining events, and private massage. The Fox Den is quite renowned, especially after featuring on Alice Levine’s show Sex Actually. Dinner is hosted in a loft for a maximum of 12 ticket holders, then afterwards diners can choose to explore the bedrooms and other attendees. The Lust Supper offer a similar setup in that they offer a meal and help you explore lust through your 5 senses, but they also offer sensual workshops and seem to target couples. Also aiming at those who prefer to pay for exclusivity, organisers such as Pleasure Island host private parties held in mansions, boutique hotels and other private venues. We’ve not experienced these yet, but have heard mixed reviews.
Finally, the other way to meet is via the apps/websites. Up until recently the big two we were aware of were Fabswingers and Fetlife, but Fetlife isn’t my thing and my goodness, the Fabswingers website is crap! But when we first started out, if you met someone new, they would ask for your Fab name as a way of keeping in touch. This was our first and only method of meeting people until we plucked up the courage to visit a club, and it served us well. People would get in touch, strike up a chat via the app and then we’d go for a drink. If things went well, we’d decide to meet again with less clothes on. This year, a lot of new apps have sprung up, or upped their game so there is much more choice for the discerning swinger. Each app has a slightly different focus some are more about the connection and others just for the hookup. We joined We Are X this year (was Killing Kittens) which has a female led ethos and aims to provide a non-threatening environment in which women make the first move. They also work on creating a community and host some pretty exciting and extravagant parties. Another popular app which only launched this month is the long awaited Swinghub, it’s still finding its feet but seems to be more of a social app where people provide updates on what they’re doing. But there is much more to it than that, including details on events and parties and information on your local club. There is also the Pineapple app, which I can’t quite bring myself to look at, as I don’t have time to meet the people I already know, so the thought of yet another app takes up too much headspace!
I’m sure there are a million other ways to meet people, but this is how we do it, and what works for us. If you fancy looking us up on Fabswingers our username is curious_couple_uk. Or maybe we’ll bump into you in a club one night? Feel free to reach out if you’d like to know more.
Author and credit for the following blog -🔗 Happy Hot Wife x 

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